OFFICIAL NOTIFICATION FROM THE PEOPLE'S BUREAU OF ANCESTRAL WISDOM
TO: Moonfeather Ravensky (Legal Name: Jessica Thompson) FROM: Director Chen, Department of Spiritual Labor Assessment RE: Mandatory Career Realignment Following Comprehensive Skills Audit DATE: March 15, 2025
Dear Comrade Ravensky,
The People's Bureau of Ancestral Wisdom has completed its thorough review of your professional qualifications, including but not limited to: your Level 4 Shamanic Practitioner Certificate from the Mountain View Institute of Sacred Studies, your 200-hour "Journey Work Intensive" completion badge, and approximately 847 Instagram posts featuring you in various states of spiritual communion with crystals, sage bundles, and what appears to be a $3,000 Tibetan singing bowl collection.
Photo: Mountain View Institute of Sacred Studies, via get.pxhere.com
Your Previous Spiritual Entrepreneurship: A Statistical Analysis
Our audit reveals that over the past four years, you have charged an average of $450 per "soul retrieval session," during which you claimed to "journey to the lower world to retrieve lost soul fragments caused by capitalist trauma." Your workshop series, "Reclaiming Your Ancestral Power in the Age of Late-Stage Capitalism," generated approximately $127,000 annually through weekend retreats where participants paid $1,200 to drum around fires and discuss their "indigenous souls trapped in colonized bodies."
The Bureau notes with particular interest your signature offering: "Corporate Shamanism for Conscious Entrepreneurs," where you charged $2,500 to help tech bros "align their chakras with their profit margins" and "channel ancient wisdom into disruptive innovation."
The State's Assessment of Your Qualifications
After careful consideration, the Central Committee's Department of Practical Mysticism has determined that your deep connection to "ancient earth energies" makes you uniquely qualified for immediate reassignment to Nickel Smelting Facility #47, located in the former Montana wilderness preserve you once led "vision quests" through.
Photo: Nickel Smelting Facility #47, via s88.erome.com
Your new position will indeed involve working with ancient earth energies—specifically, the 2.7-billion-year-old nickel deposits that require extraction at temperatures of 2,651°F. The state is confident that your experience "journeying to the underworld" has prepared you for the underground mining shifts that begin at 4 AM daily.
Drumming Opportunities in Your New Assignment
We understand that rhythmic percussion has been central to your spiritual practice. Excellent news: your new role will provide extensive drumming experience through the operation of pneumatic drilling equipment. The 140-decibel percussive patterns created by ore extraction machinery will offer you unprecedented opportunities to achieve altered states of consciousness—though we recommend the provided hearing protection.
Your previous expertise in "calling in the four directions" will translate seamlessly to operating the four-directional conveyor belt system that moves raw ore through the smelting process. The ancient practice of "honoring the elements" will take on new meaning as you work intimately with earth (nickel ore), fire (smelting furnaces), air (industrial ventilation systems), and water (cooling processes).
Spiritual Practice Accommodations
The facility recognizes your need for spiritual connection and has designated a 15-minute break area where you may practice meditation, provided it does not interfere with production quotas. Your previous practice of "energy clearing with sacred smoke" has been noted; however, all smoking materials must be approved by the safety committee, and sage bundles are not considered appropriate industrial equipment.
Housing Arrangements and Community Integration
Your new living quarters in Dormitory Block C will provide an authentic communal experience that surpasses any retreat you've previously offered. You'll share a 400-square-foot space with eleven other former wellness entrepreneurs, including two crystal healers, a sound bath practitioner, and someone who used to charge $800 for "womb wisdom activation ceremonies."
This arrangement offers unprecedented opportunities for the "authentic community connection" you've long advocated for on social media, though we note that your roommates may be less receptive to 5 AM chanting sessions than your previous clientele.
Integration Timeline and Expectations
Your transition period begins Monday at 0400 hours. Please bring steel-toed boots (your Ugg boots are not appropriate for industrial settings), work gloves (crystals are not permitted in the smelter), and a positive attitude about contributing to the collective good through tangible labor rather than what our assessment team described as "vibrational hand-waving."
The Bureau wishes to address your recent social media posts expressing concern about this assignment. Your Instagram story claiming that "the patriarchal industrial complex is trying to suppress my divine feminine energy" has been noted and will be discussed during your mandatory re-education sessions, scheduled for Sundays at 0600.
Closing Remarks
Comrade Ravensky, the People's Republic values your enthusiasm for ancient wisdom and earth connection. We simply believe these qualities are best expressed through direct, physical engagement with the earth's resources rather than through $450 conversations about chakra alignment.
Your journey work is about to become very literal indeed. The lower world awaits—specifically, Sub-Level 7 of the nickel extraction facility.
Welcome to your authentic spiritual practice.
In Service to the People,
Director Chen
People's Bureau of Ancestral Wisdom
Department of Spiritual Labor Assessment
P.S. Your drum collection has been redistributed to the State Orchestra, where it will serve the people through revolutionary marching songs rather than what our cultural committee termed "appropriative spiritual theater."